So it’s June and I can finally say I survived May altogether.
I haven’t had the chance to write during the whole month and tbh I’m not surprised. I had a very hectic 24 days and, though it’s never funny to bring one’s life to a halt for such a long time, at least I was mentally prepared. No surprise effect this time.
I think this is the longest non-updating period on the blog since my board exam time in October 2015. And indeed it felt strange to be away from the keyboard for such a long time. I guess once your start blogging with a decent level of regularity is just very hard to stay away from it. It becomes part of who you are, and of the way you think. I don’t know whether this is supposed to be good or bad, it’s just the way it is I guess.
So here I am back at what feels like my natural place, with my head full of ideas and plans and my schedule packed with tasks and endless to do lists. Nothing new under the sun.
My birthday passed, Eurovision 2017 passed, I brought my car to the Uk travelling across Europe and it’s the beginning of the month – which means, monthly resolutions and plans of course.
I don’t actually wanna talk about all the things I wish I could have done during this month and didn’t; I’m not really much interested in talking about past accomplishments and things crossed off the list either. Let’s say I’m not really into looking at the past at all; I wanna talk about the present and the upcoming days, the things I want to do, the things I want to start, the things I want to put on my plate for the first time and the recurring plans as well.
Because if there’s something that is becoming increasingly clear to me is that there’s no ‘normal schedule month’ or ‘normal schedule week’ or ‘normal schedule anything’ in which I have a regular life plan with a handful of hours to take care of my stuff. Things are messed up, all the time. Plans change. Or they get stuck. Or they’re just forgotten. It’s all part of the bigger picture.
So I have to learn to make time for myself. Of course not all moments in life are the same, there can be periods objectively more hectic than others, but being busy with tons is stuff to do is just business as usual and, as such, is something I have to learn how to deal with. I have to stop fighting it and start to accept the fact that things won’t come easy, ever. Setting priorities, learning to say no, being realistic with how much I can actually get done with the time I have are all skills I need to implement day after day, with errors and trials and everything in between. There’s still so much that I want to learn and experience, and I have no intention to give up on my quest for knowledge and personal growth.
So yeah, I wanna keep learning and I wanna keep dreaming. Big. And I’ll do my best to make things happen. I already have a bunch of stuff in mind that I wanna find time for:
- keep running this blog and change the way I use it. I want this space to become more personal, to be a real journal of my undertakings and projects. I’m not much for sharing personal details on the internet and I plan to keep my private life, well, private; but for the things I like to share here I want to be all in – more than I’ve been so far.
- go back to language learning, start again, shuffle routines, spice things up. My progresses are small because my approach is boring. I like to play it safe, to have all my pens lined on the desk and my notebook tidy and clean. Time to get my hands dirty and exit this damn comfort zone once and for all. Or at least a couple of times.
- find time to deepen this minimalist/decluttered/environmental-friendly life style I’ve kind of embraced recently – and blog about that. I’ve been an environmentalist since I was a kid so I think this is just the natural evolution of my personal beliefs. I’ve a bunch of decluttering projects in mind + various shopping bans to put into practice, and I think I’m now ready for the challenge.
- re-learn what I used to know about html/css and work on a new blog attire. This is a long shot so I don’t expect to be done with it by the end of the year or anything like that, but I’ve been toying with this idea for too long without actually doing nothing, so I guess I’ve finally grown tired of just sitting and waiting and I’m ready to dig in.
- find the right spirit to tackle the billions of stuff I have to do on my everyday, grownup lifestyle. As I was saying, being busy is the default mode of the post-modern, post-structuralist, post-post times we happen to live in – so I have to face the fact that I’ll always have to handle things I’d rather not and learn how to live happily with that.
- be more bold about beauty and style and use it a another form of self-expression. I’m much more a book-and-tea type of gal but I’m honestly kinda sick of shielding myself behind some sort of self-imposed label. Not that I ever restrained myself from doing certain things because I thought they were not a me-thing, but I often realise I’m not curious enough to try things that are outside my comfort zone/usual way of life. I don’t wanna think that at 30 I’ve already experienced everything I wanted to experience, and I don’t wanna stagnate doing the same old things I always do. I wanna give myself the chance of being a 360-kind of person and expand my limits, and especially the preconceptions about myself.
- be more driven, more engaged, more focused on the me-things. I’ve been spending a lot of time on Netflix lately, too much time actually. I love TV series (like anyone else) and finding time to watch the things I like it’s definitely something I wanna do, but within certain limits and time frames. I’ve watched an increasing amount of series since October, and this has taken away a lot of time from other activities that I enjoy and care about (like reading novels, just as an example). Everything that is passive like standing still in front of a screen is always easier, and often more alluring than rolling my sleeves up and getting to work (whatever meaning I want to give to this word). I’m determined to spend more time doing things that are good for me, to be more active and proactive, to get engaged in more personal projects, and to dedicate more effort to the things that I really love doing and that make me feel good about myself.
So this is my starting point, and I really wish for myself to be able to keep up this spirit and the determination of stopping to look back, and only moving forward. I wish this for anyone else who’s trying to give value to his/her own time.